FWB

Friends with Benefits. Booty calls. Since this came up last week as such a prevalent trend even among Christian teens, we spent more time on this topic. I believe there's a direct tie between this trend/casual sex and emotional problems/depression in young people today. There are many researchers and doctors that agree.

God knew what He was doing when He created us. He knows what works and what doesn't work. He tells us how to live in order to have the best life. He also gives us free choice to choose whatever we want, but He doesn't bless all of our choices. If we choose to live outside of His guidelines, then we pay some consequences. He's not happy about that, it's just the way it works! He never stops loving us, trying to get our attention, to draw us in so that He can help us and love us as He wants to. He wants a good life for you! If we could only see that His commandments are for our protection...He cares about you more than you can imagine.

FWB takes us so far outside of how He created us, that it carries with it emotional baggage you weren't intended to carry. First of all, it's no secret that women for all time have loved romance, being pursued by a man, and the whole allure of mystery and romance. We love being valued, being worth the fight of a man trying to win our attention! As we saw in Eph. 5 study, we're made to be loved by a man who will commit to us and form a covenant relationship with us. This man loves us selflessly and puts our needs ahead of his own. Now compare that to the current trend of casual sex with no commitment, no pursuit, no lasting relationship, no expectations...it's mostly about servicing his needs, which is completely selfish on his part. It's the opposite. Some teens may think "Well that's all that's out there, that's all I can expect". Wrong. There are others who want to live God's way. And you attract what you expect. If casual sex and FWB is all you expect of yourself and others, that's what you'll find. If you value yourself more than that, and expect to find someone who agrees, you will probably find someone who thinks just like you!

Girls are depressed and unhappy for the most part after participating in the whole FWB trend. Girls cannot take out of themselves the eternal part of their heart that longs to be loved and committed, because it's put there by God. When you aren't loved like that, but you are giving away the very most vulnerable, valuable part of you, you're going to be disappointed!

Guys are hurt by this trend too, I'm just writing from a girl perspective right now. It's not the way God designed men to operate, so they are living short of what He designed them for also. Therefore they'll have emotional consequences too. God can speak through our emotions! If we feel so badly about something, maybe it's because we're not doing something right? Many times girls don't want to admit they feel let down by FWB. They may assume something is wrong with them. What's wrong is the culture and the trend, not your disappointment with it. When the culture expects you to be able to give yourself, then walk away unaffected, that's not normal.

From the book "Sex and the Soul of a Woman" by Paula Rinehart, she says "The message that she should be able to walk off unaffected, as a man supposedly would, must be drilled into her. It does not come naturally.....I have found that women tend to ask more often the painful question, 'What's wrong with me?' Physical intimacy feels like an investment of one's self. Thus, leaving or being left prompts a good deal of self-doubt and second-guessing. One's naked self feels exposed and unwanted."

Wendy Shalit, another author on this subject says "It is the pain we feel when sexual bonds are made and broken that reminds us we were made for more. God made women to experience the joy of a lasting, enduring relationship with a man. That we cannot deaden our hearts successfully is the best apologetic I know for the truth of how God made us....We think, I need to be less sensitive. If only I could keep my heart from getting involved. There must be something wrong with me."

There's nothing wrong with you, it's impossible to keep sex separate from emotion! You feel the way you feel because the sex is out of context.

True loves comes from God. He desires that we value other people, not use them. We should not use other people's bodies or emotions for our own benefit, and we shouldn't let others use us wrongly for their benefit. Being used leads to disappointment and depression.

YOU are worth more than that. You can hold out for something better.

Chapter 4 of Sex has a Pricetag talks about the cost of abstinence. There is a cost to following the casual sex/FWB trend. The cost is emotional baggage, disappointment, maybe STD's, spiritual implications... The cost of abstinence is saying no to your desires for now, having to be "different" than most, but the payoff is so much greater long term. Your teen years are so short, and the rest of your life is a LONG time to live with consequences. Do the hard work now, and live a great life. Or play now and spend a long time living out the damage.

Two websites that gather stories from teens and young adults who are striving to live pure until marriage give us some encouragement that there are others out there doing this!
www.gostudents.net
www.freewebs.com/truelovemustwait.com.

Read these for encouragement!! Add your own story. Think about how you want your life to be long term, and then decide what you need to do now in order for that to come true.